Wait! Stop Trying to Meditate!

Despite that fact that there is now almost daily new evidence that supports the importance of and benefits received from meditation practice, there is still a lot of resistance to actually doing it. I’d like to take a look at that today. Why is it that so many people, often the people who need it the most, believe they can’t meditate or think it cannot help them?

I’m not saying it is the answer to everything nor am I claiming that one size fits all. (The latter idea is as far from my philosophy as it could be!) However, I do believe with every inch of my being that there is a form of meditation available for everyone be it through physical yoga, chanting, mindfulness, music, breathing, mudra, cooking, painting… One just has to discover what works best and then approach the activity with the proper intent.

So, what exactly are the reasons that come up for why people don’t want to meditate?

I can’t sit still that long!

I’ve heard a lot of people lay claim to this. The idea of “doing nothing”, even for 10 minutes, is too much to bear. The moment a person sits still, all the feelings, thoughts, and problems that she’s been pushing away with constant activity come flowing in like a tidal wave. It isn’t a comfortable feeling.

Early one, when I was forced to silently meditate sitting with my teachers years ago, I would be in absolute hell waiting for them to just get on with the teachings. I would hear myself begging for it to come to an end. Somewhere along the way, that agony left me. Gone. No trace. Poof!

Restlessness is a completely expected stage of meditation, often much worse in the beginning, but it also comes and goes throughout a lifetime of practice. (I can still feel restless from time to time.) If you aren’t willing to work through it, you are giving it power over you. If this is your sole reason for avoiding meditation, I urge you to simply sit with the resistance. The payoff is so worth it!

It’s boring.

There are those who experience meditation as boring. Being still, following the breath, focusing on the body is not enough to entertain the raging monkey that is the mind. These types tend to need constant stimulation and input. They need the radio or TV on, even if they aren’t listening or watching. What do they think all that stimulation is doing? It is distracting them. It is stealing their energy and making it harder for them to know themselves. It is filling them up with worthless noise and making it impossible for them to hear their own answers. It has trained them away from the subtle of life to such an extent that they actually believe the universe could ever be boring!

I actually feel worse when I meditate. My mind is so loud!

Similar to reason number one, this resistance presents itself when people have a misunderstanding of what meditation actually is. They think they are supposed to have no thoughts at all, a blank and quiet mind. But that just isn’t realistic. The stream of thought is incessant. But it doesn’t really matter. It’s a misconception to think one isn’t meditating if one is thinking. Let the thoughts come. Watch them as they do. Then watch them as they morph and go. They are fleeting even if they are torrential! Don’t give them your attention and run around trying to extinguish them. Let them be. You keep quiet!

I’m too busy/I don’t have time.

This is such an empty argument. All it means is that the person doesn’t really want to do it. Sure, meditating for 20-40 minutes is ideal, but even 5 minutes before bed is better than nothing, and I’m sorry but everybody has 5 minutes before bed. Heck, even 3 minutes of focusing on the breath and body is sure to impact your sleep and dreams in a positive way.

I meditate on my own.

There’s nothing wrong with this. I meditate on my own all the time. But when I have groups at the house, I am always blown away by the force in numbers. I’m inspired by their challenges, insights, and energies, and I am often amazed at the depth of my own meditation when others are present and we are all supporting one another. The experience is enhanced. So, if you find yourself making excuses not to go to a meditation group or class, ask yourself if you are cheating yourself of a deeper experience. There is a reason that Buddha made the Sangha one of the three refuges.

Meditation is a waste of time.

Perhaps they’ve tried and “failed”, or they’ve never even bothered to try; they’ve simply decided. Really, if someone holds this idea, then they probably just aren’t ready to meditate for whatever reason, be it deep-seated fear, religious judgment, or some self-sabotaging beliefs. But it is based on a misconception. Meditation cannot be a waste of time. It can only be wasted.

The gifts one receives from a regular meditation practice are so glorious and liberating (and yes, challenging and difficult at times), but if you remain blocked by any of the above excuses, they are a treasure you will never discover. But don’t “try” and work through these blocks; none of these block, not even the latter, are substantial. Stop trying so hard. Meditation is an effortless state of simply being.

Don’t worry. You’ll find your way. Only you can!

 

 

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Classes are delivered via Zoom and class size is limited. You will need to download the Zoom app to whatever device you plan to use and familiarize yourself with it beforehand. Those who register must supply an active email (Paypal will ask you for it) and allow email from bureau@dielleciesco.com as call details will be delivered via that email.

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Aka Dua: The Power of Belief

I want to return to a subject I broached during my 14-day journey with the Aka Dua. On day 12, I wrote:

Last night, I practiced with the Aka Dua before doing my guru yoga. I worked with some of the exercises in Arlan Cage’s book, Aka Dua: An Ancient Healing Energy for a New Era. I’m familiar with these exercises but in other guises and versions. It seems every teacher I’ve worked with has a slightly different way of approaching the techniques which bring about the same outcomes. Some might consider this a “purity of the teachings” issue. But it is one thing I have always loved most about the Toltec path. Even in Tensegrity, the teaching is to modify the exercise to best suit the individual. Aka Dua is meant to be a unique path; it is meant to evolve. It’s so different from the rigid forms I’ve experienced in other traditions in which the way of doing something is almost fanatically enforced [as if history itself is more important than innovation for our times]. I understand the danger of things getting watered down or appropriated so as to lose their power, but I hold the opinion that what one does with clear intent and dedication is not in threat…

For example, I know, as with yoga, ancient practices can become “bastardized”. The spiritual deepness and what are interpreted as the religious aspects are often reduced or ignored. It’s how yoga, the practice of union, turned into an injury-breeding competitive workout. It’s how drumming and sweat lodges can become nothing more than “trendy” experiences with little understanding of the actual traditions.

At the same time, I know there are many outdated superstitions implanted within various traditions…ones that say for example that a women shouldn’t play a drum or that certain symbols in dreams mean a particular thing no matter the dreamer. One has to count to 10 and spin around counterclockwise for the desired result. It all seems rather silly from a certain perspective, though those entrenched in such beliefs can be quite adamant about them, and possibly unaware of a certain level of enslavement to them. We are all, are we not, the slaves to our unexamined beliefs?

I also understand the dangers in blindly following false Gods. No one wants to think they themselves could fall prey to the cult mentality. The irony, of course, is that one on the inside is unable to perceive the situation with detachment. So, we can be guilty of cult-like or at least, fundamentalist behavior but are only able to see it “out there” in the behavior of others. Likewise, we can dismiss a teacher or teachings because of something we project upon them, some judgment or criticism, which only serves to keep us from the very thing that could help us become liberated.

I know there are those who hold the opinion that Aka Dua and other forms of energy healing are something made-up. But isn’t everything? I mean, at some point in time, someone, somewhere had to discover, name, and make up a story to explain what could not otherwise be understood nor transmitted. Aka Dua is described as originating from an ancient energy. But when it comes to its usefulness, does it really matter if Aka Dua is centuries old or in its relative infancy? Is it not the direct experience with a thing that should define our discernment of it? Is one’s own personal experience with something to be easily discounted by another person’s doubt?

Over the years, I’ve done a lot of work on my belief system. That is part of the Toltec journey (and any journey toward self-realization) and one I fully embraced. I am grateful to have broken through many of the structures I inherited through parentage, school, religion, and socialization. But perhaps the most important thing I have come to recognize in doing so is that it isn’t so much the thing as it is the faith in the thing that makes it powerful…or not.

Energy, energy healing, and/or faith healing are areas which cause a lot of debate in different circles. You can have those deemed”religious nuts” who decide their bodies don’t need the surgery and who end up either miraculously cured or dying as a result. There is also the spectrum of those who are terrified of healing and the means “woo-woo” practitioners might utilize to help them simply because it triggers an unacknowledged or deeply conditioned fear. You also have the intellectual skeptics who won’t even try something because it is so far fetched from the realms of their experience, but ironically there are also the skeptics who are desperate enough to try anything to find the miracle they hoped they’d find. And there are a myriad of other beliefs about what healing is, how it should be used, who is capable of it or not, and what works and what doesn’t. So what is the truth about it all?

I am a lover of truth. It is something I value highly. But there is a certain leeway granted to us all because we live in an illusion. We live in a dream. So there’s truth…something that cannot be altered…and then there is everything else. It is with that “everything else” that we can play. There is always a relativity to our beliefs; that’s the very nature of belief as the truth does not rely upon belief. I am thankful to have cultivated a fluidity with what I choose to believe, picking things up and putting them down again as necessary.

So despite any criticisms and speculations, it matters little to me whether anyone decides that Aka Dua is Atlantean or the machinations of a creative man taking what he had learned and making something new of it. What is important to me is what has come to me as a result of my faith in it…genuine experience of its potential and power and gifts. It aligns with me and my heart and my desire for the world to be free of ignorance, fear and suffering and it provides a new and very supportive structure for the work I find myself doing at this point in my life. But it is not nor has it ever really been separate from me. And of course, Aka Dua isn’t the only path to what “it” is either, nor the only inroad.

There is no question for me that Aka Dua has been a gift. That is my undeniable experience. I can say in what way, but an I say why and how? Not really. But does it matter? When I received my initial transmission, my commitment was to use Aka Dua for the benefit of all sentient beings in service to love, light and Truth. I am equally happy to have Aka Dua use me towards that same ends. That is because a) I know the power of intent and b) I know it all comes from and returns to that very same place from which all of it arises…that unknowable and unnameable source of all. Aka Dua is simply the shape of it with which I am now choosing to play. It is as much an exploration of myself as it is an exploration of anything external to me.

Aka Dua: Days 12 – 15

This is an ongoing diary of my 14-day initial practice since receiving the Level I Transmission of the ancient healing energy known as Aka Dua. Actually, I think I might have accidentally written twice on one day without realizing it. No matter…

First Entry
Days 3-5
Days 6-8
Days 9-11

Day 12

My dreams have been incredibly spacious the last two nights. The rooms I’ve been in have been very zen, very white, very meticulous. Nothing sterile-feeling, but very fresh.

Last night, I practiced with the Aka Dua before doing my guru yoga. I worked with some of the exercises in Arlan Cage’s book, Aka Dua: An Ancient Healing Energy for a New Era. I’m familiar with these exercises but in other guises and versions. It seems every teacher I’ve worked with has a slightly different way of approaching the techniques which bring about the same outcomes. Some might consider this a “purity of the teachings” issue. But it is one thing I have always loved most about the Toltec path. Even in Tensegrity, the teaching is to modify the exercise to best suit the individual. It is meant to be a unique path; it is meant to evolve. It’s so different from the rigid forms I’ve experienced in other traditions in which the way of doing something is almost fanatically enforced. I understand the danger of things getting watered down or appropriated so as to lose their power, but I hold the opinion that what one does with clear intent and dedication is not in threat. I might have a lot more to say on this topic at some point, but I won’t get into it any further here.

I was thinking about Teotihuacan last night and attempting to find the frequencies represented. Of course, there is the sun and moon, prominently featured. And there’s plenty o’ atmosphere. Ocean and volcanic? Well, obsidian for sure. Wasn’t Mexico City built on water? And the volcano isn’t far away, is it? Anyway, just ruminations.

Day 13

Here’s another rumination that has begun as a result of working with the Aka Dua. I was viewing some pictures representing each of the seven frequencies and pondering the order in which they are presented. The sun, the light which brings everything into view…the moon, which reflects and allows that manifestation to see itself…the atmosphere or space in which manifestation can grow and evolve…water, life giver…volcanic, heat making matter…obsidian, the density of matter…and all of it dissolving again into the unnamed.

I worked with the energies this morning. Nothing phenomenal to record that I haven’t mentioned already. I’m really looking forward to getting my attunement so I can have some of the subtleties I’ve been experiencing confirmed and feel more confident with each frequency.

Day 14

My practice today was done in the morning after yoga, accompanied by the Moola mantra. I called upon the energy again later in the day at a group meditation hosted by a friend. It certainly keeps me focused because all my attention is going towards feeling the more subtle sensations of the energy. But I had another difficult night sleeping last night, and I can’t help but wonder about the Aka Dua connection since these recent sleep issues coincided with the transmission. That said, there is so much going on with solar weather and Schumann Resonance and astrology that could also account for sleeping difficulties, so the jury is out. And, maybe it’s just me!

Last night, I had a very strange dream once I did fall asleep. Like a magician who pulls a series of never-ending scarves from his mouth, I dreamed I was pulling out an endless golden substance like honey or treacle. It was somewhat disturbing actually. Because AD is often described as a thick, golden energy, when I woke up, my first thought was that my body had rejected the Aka Dua. I recognized that for what it was…an interpretation arising from fear. And one is always free to interpret things from love or fear, so after some consideration and research into the dream symbology, I decided it was just as likely to be positive…that maybe the energy had helped me to purge something that had become so deeply imbedded in me that I had mistaken it for myself. A quick check in with the teacher affirmed that the message was a positive one and was meant to be instructional.

Day 15

I almost forgot to mention…0ne night when I couldn’t sleep, I came up with a game inspired by my AD journey that is actually more challenging that it would seem. The idea is to think a thought you would never think (of course, once you think it, it all goes out the window, but…) Sounds simple enough! It seems the tendency is to think thoughts one wishes were true…or that one would likely think if one’s situation changed. But the trick is to think thoughts that you would never think in this lifetime. So, if I thought, “I wish my mother named me Hector,” that would be a fairly decent example of a thought I wouldn’t think. Whereas, “Ug, flying first class with champagne again?” is more a thought I might think if I were lucky enough! It’s an eye-opening game because one begins to realize the power of thought to limit and confine. It opens us to our habits, boundaries, expectations, and all sorts of thing.

I practiced with the energy standing up today. It’s definitely a different experience than sitting as the energy is free to flow through the limbs. I stood as a five-pointed star and practiced with the idea of the AD originating in a particular part of my body in an endless stream, radiating outward. Afterwards, I chanted the 3 Heart Essences and was struck by a line in one of the prayers that reads, “Rang-Rig Ye-shey Khong-ne Char-wei Ngo-Drub Tsol” or “Empower us with the elixer that raises within us the wisdom of awareness.” It made me weep with joy because I felt it illuminated my dream from the night before and pointed to a possible relationship between the Aka Dua (or perhaps its predecessor) and this elixer, all in a text written thousands of years ago.

Do you want to learn more about Aka Dua? Join the new Aka Dua Network on Facebook!

Aka Dua: Days 9 – 11

This is an ongoing diary of my 14-day initial practice since receiving the Level I Transmission of the ancient healing energy known as Aka Dua.

First Entry
Days 3-5
Days 6-8

Day 9

I have yet to do much with the Aka Dua today. It has been a busy day! I actually met with a friend and received a lovely Reiki treatment which I felt was long overdue and which helped me release some very stale energy. It was a powerful session that made some things very clear to me about my life. I won’t go into that here, but I will say that it was made clear during the session that what Aka Dua has provided me is a stability with my own energy. It has been not just a transmission of energy received, but an empowerment.

Oh, and I received an email today from Sadhaka, an energy healer with a youtube channel that has a nice library of Aka Dua-related videos. He had made two videos in which the watcher was supposed to receive and guess the AD energy transmitted; you have to email him for the answer. I had sent him an email saying what I believed he was transmitting in the first video, and he affirmed my answer! That felt good. But he went on to say he stopped making videos in that series because the energy hit people in different ways and people had different experiences of it that he didn’t want to discount.

I watched another video of his in which he takes us through the chakras with the various frequencies. I may have mentioned it in an earlier entry. Anyway, I plan on working with it again. I’ll report back tomorrow.

Day 10

Last night, I worked with the Vitriolum/chakra practice I wrote about. I was curious about the meaning of the word “vitriolum” which comes from Alchemy:

“The acronym V.I.T.R.I.O.L.U.M., used in alchemical literature, is formed by the Latin expression “Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem Veram Medicinam”, what means “Visit the interior of the earth, and by rectifying you will find the hidden stone which is the true medicine”.

Soul-Guidance.com

I love the video, and the practice is powerful, but I’m not sure I’ll do it at night again. It may be coincidence but it sure hasn’t helped me sleep!

Today, I decided to work with the energy earlier in the day, as so far, I have found it incredibly stimulating. I think nighttime practice is best suited to certain frequencies and not others. I’ve been noticing with some consistency now that I tend to get a cold rush when I activate the energy. My eyes also water. I also noticed that some frequencies still run more palpable for me than others…the others still touchable but oh, so subtle. Solar, for example, is still very subtle, which surprises me because a few days ago when receiving solar energy from someone else, it nearly knocked me over. Atmospheric, Lunar, and Oceanic are the three most consistent for me now. Volcanic and Obsidian both create that prickly sensation for me, but I don’t quite “understand” them yet. The Unnameable energy is the most familiar and the most powerful.

Day 11

The day got away from me, so before bed, I did my usual chanting practice, did some mirror work around some limiting beliefs I realized are no longer serving me, and then activated the AD with the intent of it helping me to release any remaining fragments of those beliefs and help me to anchor in the new replacement beliefs that arose during the mirror work. I felt a very nice, strong pulsing in my fingertips and a short moment later, an unwinding and ever-so-small shift in the area of my assemblage point, a sort of “projection room” to the film of our individual lives, which to me felt like a positive affirmation or confirmation that the energy was performing as requested.

Do you want to learn more about Aka Dua? Join the new Aka Dua Network on Facebook!

Aka Dua: Days 6 – 8

In my last post about the Aka Dua, I said I would write this time about how Aka Dua is transmitted. The person who brought Aka Dua to the West, a man known as Koyote the Blind, received the energy from his teachers on the Toltec path. Originally, he was the one who was attuning people, disseminating the energy. Now, there are many people all over the world who have received and can transmit the Aka Dua energy, and in fact, many have put their own unique spin on it. As it is meant to be an evolutionary energy, this is expected, whereas there is a different philosophy behind something like Reiki, where lineage and purity of form is typically held to be of more importance. There are currently five levels of transmission, but only the first three are available to the public, so I’ll just write briefly about the first three:

Thanks for this unforgettable photograph, Bruce Omori. I’m using it as my screensaver. Check out his other incredible photography at Extreme Exposure!

Level One Transmission – one receives the substance of the Aka Dua which may present itself as one or more of the frequencies: solar, lunar, oceanic, volcanic, atmospheric, obsidian, and unnamed. It takes 28 days for this energy to settle, but his must be supported by 14 days of intentional daily practice.

Level Two Attunement – after the 28 days, one can receive this attunement of the Aka Dua energies. Here each of the 7  frequencies becomes fully accessible.

Level Three Mastery – this level of mastery allows one to combine the energies for healing purposes and also to transmit Level One and Two to others.

Day 6

Yesterday, I got the feeling that I’ve been trying too hard with the energy. So last night, after my mantra practice, I approached more gently. I simply made a ball of energy between my hands and sat with it quietly. I felt lunar and atmospheric. I am confident with those two frequencies. The others I am still not confident with, and I don’t want to force anything…just take it as it comes. When I was done, I placed the energy at my 3rd eye. I went on at night to dream of an anatomy book of sorts complete with pictures and diagrams being downloaded to me page by page at rapid speed.

I agree with what others have said/written about the Aka Dua. It is like an antenna or amplifier in that it seems to have impacted all my other practices. I feel it when I do my morning yoga. I feel it when I chant and meditate. I feel it underneath my intent, reinforcing it.

Day 7

Wow! One week already!? I received my copy of Aka Dua: An Ancient Healing Energy for a New Era by lead Aka Dua instructor, Arlan Cage. I was floored when I read the exact same two words I used yesterday, “antenna and amplifier”, to describe the energy! Maybe I saw it somewhere else and subconsciously applied it. So, last night, I practiced some techniques from the manual while listening to a brilliant advanced chakra balancing piece of music by Shapeshifter called Odyssey Empowerment. I practiced opening to the energy, holding the energy, moving it around my body, feeling for different frequencies, just being with it, taking it slow. Afterwards I drifted into lovely visions with the music, entering a temple where I was purified and cleansed, honored and welcomed. It was beautiful and magical there. It was home. It made me cry!

I’ve been thinking a lot about how this AD energy might be applied outside of individual or even group healing. I feel like there’s so much more that can be done with it, but I keep feeling that it will take a community. For me, that community isn’t built yet, so I just keep visualizing. For example, I see a group of willing practitioners gathering on Skype from all over the world to build bridges of energy and connect very intentional anchor points across the globe. I also see groups of us gathering at places around the world that need to be cleansed and purified of past traumas (work I’ve done with other groups years before)…a sort of seeping into and breaking apart of ancient densities so the energy that is reinforcing the darkness can be freed up and rechanneled.

I worked with the Aka Dua twice today, once briefly outside hands in the grass and then in the same way as yesterday, with music. When working with the earth, I felt as if my hands were two suction cups. It was very difficult to disengage. But the exchange was incredibly sweet and made me teary. And when I say exchange, it felt that I wasn’t the only one giving energy. I was receiving back. It was a peaceful circle.

I used a technique from Arlan Cage’s book again to get the energy going a little later in the evening. Again, I didn’t try so hard, just let things flow. I intend to flow each of the frequencies, but then it either comes or it doesn’t. I don’t force, just pay attention. I had an interesting unwinding in my right palm right off. I also had what I believe to be oceanic energy…vast and deep. I also…well, I turned my hands a certain way, and all of the sudden, I felt something quite different and unusual…like a weight. Actually, it is quite hard to describe what I felt. Honestly, the closest I can get is to say it felt like pure power. I actually exclaimed “holy shit!” This I offered up to the angels because it didn’t feel prudent to do anything else with it.

Day 8

What a night last night! I couldn’t sleep. My mind was racing. Around 2am, I’d had enough, so I pulled out my lavender essential oil and starting running some AD energy. Technically, I’m not supposed to be able to create combinations with the energy yet, but I intended to anyway, out of desperation. I asked for Lunar and Oceanic energies and christened that “Lullaby”. It did indeed help to quiet my mind, but something was missing. I added Atmospheric and that helped me relax more deeply. Before I feel asleep I started to wonder about adding a 4th frequency that would take me from “lullabies” to “sweet dreams”.

The amazing thing is that I experienced two very distinct NEW frequencies upon falling asleep. One I think I may now have a false memory for; I can’t be 100% certain this is what it was, but I think it could be likened to Quake. When it came into me (or out of me), it started shaking things. It was a density-buster. Again, there’s a small niggling I don’t remember this correctly. But the next one I do. What came next was electrical or starlight…it was pure white…and it pushed through and poured out from all the space created by the previous energy. It was truly a magnificent thing to witness. They were both completely amazing experiences. Now I wish that I forced myself awake to journal about them both immediately.

I practiced with the energy this morning again in meditation. I was back to experiencing it as simply “Aka Dua” and not anything in particular, just a nice pulse of energy. It did, however, have a lovely affect on the overall energy of the room and my meditation.

Want to learn more? Join the new Aka Dua Network on Facebook!

Previous Aka Dua Posts:

First Entry
Days3-5

Aka Dua: Days 3 – 5

So here’s Part II of my Aka Dua practice digest. I didn’t talk much about the history of Aka Dua last time, so I think I’ll open briefly with that.

I mentioned in my last post the Aka Dua was passed down by the Toltec but its origins predate that civilization. It is said that the energy originally referred to as “the power” was brought to them via “Atlantis”. I put this in quotes because it is nothing historically confirmed nor part of my personal experience. I do believe, of course, in ancient civilizations that were able to do things and who had knowledge that we today can’t even imagine. One only has to look at the Great Pyramids, Stonehenge, or ancient glyphs referencing alien life and technology to know our ancestors knew something we no longer do. Suffice it to say, Aka Dua is an ancient energy.

It is also said that the Aka Dua came from another substance known as Sro; it is one of many fragments of this Sro, given to and preserved by the Toltec priests and passed down on the QT until such time as now, when it is most needed for our evolution.

I’ll share more about what Aka Dua initiations entail in my next post.

Day 3

I worked with the Aka Dua off and on throughout the day in small doses. Then in the evening, I did a concentrated practice and meditation with it during which it came through very strongly and with slightly different qualities which I attribute to the frequencies of lunar and atmospheric. Lunar feels very soft to me, just like the light of the moon. It is slightly hazy. Atmospheric feels very wide and fresh. It imparted a clearing away. I played with some Aka Dua videos on youtube, and when I experienced receiving solar, it came in a rush that was almost like being knocked over but at the same time, being held or supported from falling over. There was a strength to it. So far, I’m really just sensing and guessing. After only three days, I simply can’t be sure I’m accurately reading things. No matter. I will simply continue to explore the energy and intend to integrate it completely. The prickly sensation wasn’t as strong today. However, turning on the energy is definitely palpable to my palms. I am feeling an initial sweep inside my body and a coolness too which seems to shift or fade after a while. I consistently feel better after practice.

Day 4

Didn’t sleep very well last night. Don’t know if I can attribute it to any one thing. It happens. I meditated after doing some work online, and then eventually ran some Aka Dua (AD) around 3 AM, and it was very palpable from head to toe but soothing. Actually, I felt it’s presence during the meditation too. I eventually drifted off. When I woke up, I understood that AD is like a new operating system. So, even the meditation I did earlier made use of it. I am learning to find my way around this new operating system which has made files run more smoothly and take up fewer resources, enhancing “user experience”. I can still run old programs on the old system; they are obviously compatible. Not that I want to! I sort of have to until I fully integrate things. Eventually, the AD will become the only operating system I use.

Day 5

Rough night! Last night, I watched an “assemblage point shift with light language” video that was very powerful; it had me spinning. Then I practiced some chanting and worked with one of the Aka Dua chakra videos before bed.

All night long, I dreamed fear-based end-of-world type dreams; then I’d become slightly lucid and hear myself say, “That was all bullshit. That’s not true.” Then the cycle would repeat. All night long. It felt like a purification, which is great, but it wiped me out!!! Fear, fear, fear and all the physiology it provokes and then strength, strength, strength and affirming Truth. I feltl burned and slightly energetically crispy! Chanting when I woke up has helped alleviate that feeling.

That chakra video I mentioned worked through each chakra with the respective frequency. Guess what I came to realize? The prickly energy is Obsidian! I thought it might be volcanic, but it isn’t. So, I’m sensing at least Lunar, Atmospheric and Obsidian. Possibly Oceanic and Solar. I’m unclear with Volcanic and Unknown still. But that’s pretty good in less than a week!

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Dependency vs. Co-dependency

I recently heard that the energies we’ll be dealing with in this coming month (Feb. of ’17) relate to our issues with co-dependent tendencies. It made me curious to know more about how this may play out in my life. I’ve always been the reverse of the co-dependent. I’ve been fiercely independent…up until recently anyway when life decided to give me an opportunity to experience new levels of dependence as an expatriate.

I grew up in a home with two male alcoholics, so I am all too familiar with what co-dependency actually looks like. I’ve since spent my life rigorously defending myself from living out the self-sacrificing womanhood I was demonstrated growing up. But, I have the feeling that my thoughts on this topic are as outdated as the late John Bradshaw (sorry, John).

So, instead of indulge in a bunch of stuff that’s already been written elsewhere about the topic, I thought I would consult something that might give me a more up-to-date perspective…my Devas of Creation deck!

Before I share the results, I think it is necessary to at least define the relevant terms. So bear with me while I share the following three definitions. In everyone’s life, a tension plays out along the dependency continuum in the various realms of daily life…health, finances, work, friendships, etc. Whether it is you or the other displaying an aspect, it is helpful to have some awareness of the dynamics. If you want to know more, you’ll have to do a little research.

Dependency: the heart of any relationship. It is a human necessity to rely on and interact with others.

Co-dependency:  reliance on “other” to such an extent that one relinquishes inner authority and self-esteem to maintain the status quo of the relationship. It can also be needing the other to need us, to everyone’s detriment.

Interdependency: the formation of healthy partnerships and connections. It’s mutual benefit without one-sided sacrifice. Each person enters a symbiosis with the other to utilize one another’s strengths and resources but without losing self- sufficiency.

Now that that is out of the way, on to the reading.

I asked the deck for examples of healthy and unhealthy dependency. I shuffled, cut the deck twice, and selected three cards for each question. The results felt profound, at least to me.

What We Can and Should Rely Upon

Spirit:

We are dependent on the blueprint of life and its fundamental elements: space, water, earth, air, and fire. We belong to Spirit. We are, as the cliche goes, a spiritual being having a human experience. We cannot separate ourselves from this, no matter how vehemently we may try…or believe it to be that we are. In realizing this, we free ourselves from so much unnecessary suffering. It’s understanding that we are never not held by Spirit.

Mineral Kingdom:

Like the various minerals of the earth, we are dependent on certain conditions to be just so in order to allow our growth and development. Spirit is what provides everything we need in it’s time, not ours. And like the countless types of minerals that come from our earth, each of us is as unique, able to flourish when we know who and what we are. We are mistaken when we “try” to be anything other than what we are in the moment. We are dependent on the natural timing of evolution; it’s nothing we can force. And when we impose our structure upon others, we deprive ourselves of the gifts they came to provide us.

Venus:

We are dependent on the perceptions and experiential phenomena of life that influences our emotions, the physical realms, and the elemental realms. As defined in the terms above, relationship and therefore dependency is necessary, but what Venus can teach us if we listen is that love is not personal. It is an impersonal force that is working upon us and in us constantly. Without it, our lives would be devoid of joy and the lightness of being. Love is what makes it all worthwhile, but our experience of it must come from inside rather than external sources. This is typical human confusion, to depend on love outside of ourselves.

What We Mistakenly Rely Upon

Spacetime:

We are codependent with our sense of our physical self and physical reality as the ultimate reality. Yes, we are physical beings. We live in a 3D reality. But we are unhealthily attached to this being the only reality. We dismiss what can’t be seen or proven, often contrary to our own experience of it. This attachment to space and time results in a fear of death and loss. And as the definition of codependency states, we sacrifice a great deal of our power to the “almighty material”. We rely on material goods for our sense of worth, satisfaction, and comfort. We use it all as a measure of success only to discover we can’t take it with us the moment death arrives.

Desert:

This continues and reasserts the theme of the spacetime card. Like the person who bears unresolved issues of codependency through overcompensation, proving how independent and useful they are, this card shows us how we fight what we know to be necessary to survive and thrive spiritually. As stated in spacetime, we identify with our riches and comforts (or lack of them). We alternate between our desire for the familiar and the novel, creating an inner desert by seeking everywhere but inside…where things are too unknown. Ironically, we each need to spend our time in the desert in order to overcome our ideas that there is anything lacking in life. Our co-dependency on “desert mentality” is the doorway to our interdependence with it.

Atom:

Again, this card reiterates our codependency on the physical, on matter, on “the old physics”. We need to open our minds and embrace the power of thought to alter reality, of the placebo to heal, of waves to be particles, and of the unknown to hold unlimited potential. We are so codependent on the contracts we’ve signed to our constructs; they have become our prison. But our constructs have no more substance than dreams. Yet the way it’s been done is the way it has continued. Why are we creating the same things over and over again? Where is our creativity? The answer rests once more with Spirit, in the space between, the source of our inspiration, if we are brave enough to express that which it creates in us.

 

How the Insanity Plea Can Save the World

tout le monde FBWARNING: Do not read if you are easily offended.

I had a rather interesting encounter on Facebook today. A friend had posted about the situation in France sharing his views that declaring war against anything is unlikely to help interracial and religious tensions. I “liked”, not realizing the hostile and heated debate I was getting into.

Some of his other friends just had to express their opinions as well. Nevermind that they had a choice to simply respect his opinion and move on to post on their own walls! No. They had to be heard, damn it! After all, didn’t the rest of the world deserve to be enlightened by their wisdom?

Why can’t we just let someone say what they want to say without going all ape-shit? It is ironic. I wrote two books about the power of the voice and living a fully-expressed and authentic life. I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t. In the wrong hands, that shit is deadly!

It was insanity. One woman was typing totally brainwashed gibberish vacant of fact in an obviously over-the-edge manner (posting and commenting to her own comments) and another man was pointing fingers that were reminiscent of ancient wars fought long ago. There was some serious disrespect being levied. Seriously, it was enough to turn my stomach. My poor battle-weary friend! How on earth are humans ever supposed to communicate if we continually think we’re right and everyone else is wrong? What hope do we have when words are turned against us and the crazy mind justifies the most insane of beliefs? Isn’t that what defines fanaticism? Maybe even terrorism?

I’ve said it before, and I’m not afraid to say it again. We are all terrorists! We are terrorists with our words, in our minds, sometimes in our action whether against ourselves or others, and yes, even in our hearts. I’m sorry. But until we learn to stop pointing fingers, blaming sides, and hating each other, we will continue to kill each other. The mind will not stop the bloodshed. It’s having too much fun being right.

The only way out of this ridiculous pickle as I see it is something very few people will want to do, let alone be capable of doing. That is: to admit we’re all fucking crazy! Not “he’s crazy”. Not “she’s crazy”. Not “they’re crazy.” But I’m crazy. And you’re crazy. I think this is my message for 2015. It’s what I’ve been dealing with myself…the recognition that I’m totally nuts. Maybe I don’t go around killing people or shooting down planes, but I think. And sometimes, that is just as criminal.

And you know what? It’s liberating. When I remember to just embrace and accept that I’m crackers, I no longer have to justify what I believe (let alone believe it). I no longer have to jump in and debate others. I no longer have to prove anything. After all, I’m a lunatic. And so are “they”. And so are you, my friend. Congratulations! Let the healing begin, because the very realization is what gives us hope. The realization begins the reversal.

I’m telling you…the only hope for humanity is accepting that we are all completely bonkers. It doesn’t matter what side you’re on. It doesn’t matter what race you are. It doesn’t matter what religion you are. The unifier here is WE’RE ALL NUTS!!! There are no degrees of crazy until you wake up and admit you are. Then at least, you are finally a little less crazy…but make no mistake, still crazy.

I’m not saying my friend shouldn’t have posted his opinion. Of course he had every right. It was the grenade shower that followed that was completely unnecessary. For God’s sake people, use every last ounce of your will to shut your own trap and stop inflaming what is already so far out of control the only escape is “out of this world”. Blithering is only making things worse. It destroys the spirit and is the clearest form of evil I’ve ever known.

Just because we all have the right to free speech doesn’t mean we need to exercise it. Rights come with responsibilities and hopefully, a certain level of maturity that allows us to respect and empathize with others. So shut up! Stop having to prove your point! Stop spewing political nonsense you overheard and now embrace as fact when it came from someone else’s screwed-up imagination. Stop declaring you are right. Stop letting fear have free reign over every form of intelligence in your being. And start declaring you are an insane piece of work with no clue of the truth and in dire need of divine grace to see clearly again.

Deep breath in. And out.

Right now in France, people are gathered in large numbers to stand against terror, and that’s good, but I doubt they realize that the depth of this terror is rooted within…until it is rooted out. Still, it is a start. If we really want to bring an end to all of this, let’s do so with dignity, refrain, resolve, and unity. Let’s stand as one body, silent, reverent. That is the way.

Aw, what do I know? I’m nuts.